Some days, yesterday, it feels as though life is passing in the blink of an eye. Other days, today, it goes MUCH slower.
Yesterday, I celebrated my baby’s third birthday. Three years of hugs and kisses, smiles and tears, battles and victories. A birth that resulted in the immeasurable growth of not one, but three. The birth of a family, and the growth of everyone in it. I smile at the progress I’ve made in shirking some of my selfish tendencies, and wince when light shines on those I can’t shake. I take pride in the amazing little boy Kevin and I have been blessed enough to help shape over these three years, and am humbled when I think of all the shaping he has done for us.
Three years later, and I am still fascinated by how much more powerful my emotions are. When we’re laying down for naps, my eyes already closed, his tiny hand caressing my hair, and I hear him tell me he loves me… There are no words for a love like that. When I hold his tiny body and pray to God for a seizure to pass, there are no words for fear like that. When I’m exhausted from a restless night, and boundaries are pushed to their breaking point, there are no words for the helplessness and frustration I feel. Love. Fear. Frustration. Joy. Pride. Humility. All of them, exponentially more powerful than I could have ever imagined.
Today… Today, I’m running on about 3 hours of sleep, and Logan has been screaming since close to 4am… it is now 4pm, and I’m praying nap time can just bridge all the way through tomorrow morning, however as I hear stirrings, I know that is not possible. Today, every minute has felt like an hour and I find myself questioning all the benefits of motherhood…. but its reflecting on all the good that puts the seemingly endless days into perspective. Because we all know, this will come to an end, and when it does, we’ll say it was far too quickly. So I’ll go snuggle my men as they wake, hoping we can let go of the bad morning, and embrace a great afternoon…. Let go of the bad, hold on to the good… that’s the motto for today 🙂
You are such a wonderful writer, Julie. I look forward to seeing you and your little men this summer when you’re back to Michigan! Love, Marcia