Anxious For Nothing

I love people.  This week has not been an easy one, but there is power in prayer and I’ve felt it.  Thank you!

Up until my previous post, I’d been a straight up basket case, nut job.  I’m not kidding ya’ll, loony toons.  My farthest stretch was when I was rationalizing that God, being good in all things, and having purpose in all things, meant if I were to miscarry 3 times in a row, that meant I had cancer.  Again, you probably think I’m kidding…. no one could make that far of a leap right?  My awesome brain can.  Let’s see if you can follow my amazing logic.  The Dr’s had confirmed after my last loss that if it happened a third time I would be tested.  So, logically, holding to the promise that God works all things together for my good, the purpose of a third miscarriage would be for me to get tested, so that they could discover some potentially fatal disease at stage 0 and take care of it.  Makes sense, right?

Logic has not been my strong suit recently.  Kevin deserves an award or something for listening to my insanity and responding with encouragement…. most of the time….  At one point he did express his deep appreciation for not being a woman, admitting we’re crazy.  I couldn’t argue with him.

I’ve found a lot more peace and hope in the last few days.  My anxiety has been replaced by an excited anticipation, knowing that I’ve done what I can and trusting God to respond to the faith filled prayers of so many.  The flip side of that, is no matter what I do, I don’t control God and cannot manipulate His plan for my life, so holding my desires loosely is still a practice I’m working on.

With that being said…. now that I’ve posted my prayer request to the world, and have an indeterminate number of people wondering what the outcome of my Dr’s appointment tomorrow will be, I figured a follow up would be appropriate.  There is a good reason why people don’t discuss the potentially dark/scary sides of their life, because walking through it is painful, and reminders or feedback on how your handling it (or not) can make it even worse.  I will post an update after my appointment tomorrow.  Promise.

Holding on to this guidance tonight: “Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.” Phil 4:6   Thanking God tonight for the MANY blessings in my life, and presenting my request before Him for a healthy heartbeat for baby in the morning!

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