I hate it when cliches are right, cause you still feel like a moron when you repeat it. When you swear to yourself that ‘you’ll never do,say,think,judge, etc….’ only to find yourself doing that very thing. Before I had kids, I was never going to have that dirty mom car, or where pajamas all day, or have food stuck on my kitchen floor, and I would never lament ‘how fast it all goes’….
My car is embarrassing right now. I’d try to blame it on the 10 hour road trip to Michigan, but it would just be a convenient excuse that masks the truth my car is OFTEN embarrassing. In contrast my kitchen floor has been spic and span for the last week, please don’t draw the obvious conclusion this is correlated to the fact we haven’t BEEN in my house for a week, it’s something I’m very proud of right now. This week would also boast well for days out of P.J.’s before 10am, not at all related to getting out to see people :).
However, as the week closes, I’m staring down the barrel of my last cliche….. For the love of ALL that is good and holy, can someone PLEASE explain to me how THIS happened?!?
5 Days Old
Turning 5 tomorrow??????
It boggles my mind….. I still look in the mirror and see a girl that would eat lucky charms, read a rag mag, and watch chick flicks all day if left to my own devices. I was in shock when I left the hospital with Caleb, practically hyperventilating on my way home with Logan, and still dumbfounded that in 3 short months we’re doing it again. Yet, in spite of my own personal shock, its somehow working…. they are turning into amazing little men that I thank God for every day, and ask Him HOW its working, cause I STILL don’t have a plan.
In the morning you will be 5. Until you have a child of your own, you will not be able to understand how insane this feels to think about right now. We’ll wake up, and as I type this I’m vowing to be chipper, no matter if tomorrow is one of your 5am mornings. I’ll concede the cup of coffee and deal with your over active back flipping brother, in an effort to not curl up on the couch and shush you until a more reasonable hour. I’ll make your banana and blueberry pancakes that you’ve been requesting for 3 months, and we’ll do what you want. There are a few things I want to tell you about these last 5 years, and the ones to come, that may someday explain things to you that had previously left you perplexed.
I love you (your brothers and your dad) more than anything in this world. You deserve better. Everyone does. It’s the fatal flaw of waiting on heaven. Please know, I’m doing my best, but most of this parenting stuff I’m learning from you as I go. Seems kinda backwards doesn’t it, but its true. When I brought you home, you taught me what sacrificial love was…. no one else on the planet could have gotten me outta bed at the hours you did through the night! You taught me what unconditional love was, when I lost it, or you accidentally fell of the bed cause I didn’t realize you could roll yet, you still didn’t want to hug anyone else but me. You taught me what grace was, you have never held a grudge a day in your life. You hold me accountable…. I guarantee I eat WAY more vegetables with you that I would on my own, and have to keep my sweet tooth in check! You LOVE reminding me to stop at stop signs, or that after I’ve gotten you through stories, prayers, and snuggles, that I SOMEHOW forgot to let you brush your teeth. I am better every day because you encourage me with your curiosity to learn more, you point out my bad habits when you start mirroring them and it reminds me that its something I need to stop. Every day I’m getting better, but its because you challenge me to do so. Please keep being patient with me, extending grace as I learn the ropes, and please don’t ever doubt for one second that while I won’t get it all right, I will keep trying because its what you and your brothers deserve.
I love you little man!!! Happy 5th Birthday!!!