Charelton Heston ruined me. My whole life, I’ve believed the voice of God was going to sound exactly like it did to Charelton Heston in the “Ten Commandments”. Thus, having obviously never heard that booming voice, that also strangely enough sounded like Darth Vader to me, I fell in the camp of believers that ‘God speaking’ was more of a metaphor than a reality. People tried to explain it to me as ‘the still small voice’…. that just made no sense to me. I’m loud. My life is loud… still and small, are not words easily understood by me. Still others, told me it was thoughts, random thoughts that popped into my head, they were from God. Well that’s all fine and dandy, except my thoughts remind me of popcorn popping, and I have ADD…. so one pops, but before I grab hold another shiny object has captured my attention, and a lot of my thoughts I’m quite certain are most certainly NOT from God.
I think I exasperate my friends.
Well it happened folks. God spoke to me. Strangely enough he sounded an awful lot like my mom.
After my post yesterday, I had a few friends remind me, as they lovingly do, that my perception of works to attain a relationship with God is slightly flawed. I usually nod politely, and agree that I’m quite obviously missing SOMETHING, however the what is still up for debate. It’s when their feedback stops, and we’ve parted ways, that my righteous indignation flairs up… and usually it sounds something like this (in my head).
Well that’s crap. What, I’m just supposed to DO nothing? That makes zero sense. Obviously I have to be doing things, I’m just not doing the right things yet. That’s what gives Christians the bad rap as it is… all those conversations where you truly express a need for help, and you get the “hmmmmm, I’ll pray about that and let you know”…. code for… Jesus just told me “no, I’ve got a pass to ‘rest in him’ today”. (At this point my conversation usually turns between me and God) Seriously, God… what am I missing here… I’m trying…. you get that right? All my friends get it, and they aren’t taking the free pass, chill on the sidelines resting all day long, so they are obviously DOING things. So what, I’m gonna do these things, and what about everyone else that doesn’t… they’re just gonna take advantage…. that’s not fair.
Then it happened. This thought. Why don’t you just worry about yourself, and let me take care of everyone else.
Stupid thought. (says my three year old self, that just got reprimanded for complaining)
Told you it sounded like my mom… which strangely enough sounds a lot like me now a days, when Caleb is complaining that Logan hit him, and my reaction isn’t the same as when He hits Logan… “But MOOOOOOM, its not fair”, to which I reply, “You take care of you, and let me worry about Logan”.
I’ve compared myself to a 3 year old before, so this isn’t exactly new territory for me, but the acknowledging that God, being that created a universe and is currently monitoring the 6+ billion people on it, wanted to chat with me for sec… yeah… that’s new.
Not gonna lie, I was hoping one of the first convo’s was something closer to the winning lotto numbers for the near $1 Billion previous jackpot… but whatevs, I’ll take what I get and consider it progress.