Last night I went out with the girls. At one point our conversation turned toward men, and we mused for awhile over this conundrum: A staggering collection of intelligent, confident, faith filled, successful, and beautiful single women are available, and no MEN are pursuing them. Collectively we didn’t come up with much of a conclusion…. it remained a mystery. Until this morning.
I stumbled across this article “The Unofficial Goldman Sachs Guide to Being a Man“, and about choked on my breakfast.
(The remainder of my post won’t make much sense till you read it)
Dear God…. if this is what it means to be a man in our world today…. Lord help us…
As I read through it, I became more and more convinced they got the title wrong, and it should have been the Unofficial Guide to Being a Pompous Ass, or overgrown Frat Boy. I find it interesting, the term was never “Frat Man”… maybe it was because subconsciously everyone knew that behavior wasn’t indicative of what it meant to be a man. That might be a bit of a harsh assessment… there were a FEW legit points in there…. a VERY few.
Yes the ‘Times New Roman in the streets wingding in the sheets girl’ DOES exist, but if you think she would be interested in the ‘man’ this list suggests, you would be sorely mistaken. The list sounded like a great start, if your goal in life is to star in the cast of Mad Men, or be a career bachelor. However, if you want to be a REAL man, one that can not only catch a girls eye, but hold it indefinitely, an entirely different list should be consulted.
I’m not offering myself up as any expert, but I’ve been married to a REAL man for going on 10 years, and I’ve experienced the attributes that not only caught me, but continue to make me swoon over a decade later. Not one has to do with an affinity for whiskey, expensive sunglasses, cash in a front pocket, or accruing an impressive wine collection for our children.
So…. mostly serious (and with some humor) I offer up: The Unofficial Woman’s Take on Being a Real Man:
- First, if you’re looking for that ‘Times New Roman in the streets’ girl…. you better be well versed in it yourself… Have some integrity, its not fair to court the good girl, while you’re playing the bad boy.
- Be confident your self-worth is not tied to your net-worth…. if a woman makes you think otherwise, don’t bother with her, she’s got her own lessons to learn.
- Open doors and give up your seats when necessary… always
- Don’t make wide spread generalizations about people, it only serves to highlight your ignorance.
- Be the first to forgive.
- Fight only for what you would give your life defending, little else is worth it.
- Admit mistakes
- Don’t use words like ‘murse’, ‘manscape’, or ‘bromance’ in any serious conversation
- Don’t be intimidated by another’s success, celebrate it, no matter the race, class, gender, or age.
- Aspire to serve someone other than yourself
- When you look at a woman…. see her like this.
- Man up….. Women are just as scared of ’til death do us part as men are. We aren’t trying to ‘trap’ you, but who is supposed to be helping whom overcome fears… There is nothing sexier than a man who steps up in the face of fear, and can calmly lead another through it.
- Don’t be afraid to start a marriage/family younger than you think is ‘wise’…. Building a life with someone, is just that…. a building process. With each layer of work the structure get’s stronger and stronger, and all who contribute are vested in its success. Its not the same if you build something and just invite another person in to see what YOU have built… if they didn’t build it with you, its as easy to see them in as it is to see them out.
- Live for a legacy, not a livelihood… meaning be there for your family… they are your people, your tribe, and you are the leader…. LEAD… when its not fun, when no one wants to follow, whenever.
- When the time comes: Cook, do laundry, scrub a toilet, and babysit: for a few hours, over night, for the weekend, whatever…. Its not glamours, you won’t end up on the cover of GQ for it, but your woman will stand in awe of you and sing your praises to anyone that will listen.
- Don’t complain…. Do something to make it better
- and yes…. #StopItWithTheHashtags