Today I’m trying to be Plato, or some equally fancy philosopher. Despite people telling me, I’m a good writer, and as much as I love doing it, I come to this blank page often and walk away intimidated that I don’t have something new to say. So I’m gonna try giving that up right now, so that I can get back to what I love without all the stinkin pressure.
I want to write… I want to record my life… yes, secretly I’d love a really fancy blog that pays the bills someday. However someday, is just the collection of many today’s… so after THREE years of struggling to figure out what I wanted MY blog to be… we’ve landed on the simplistic solution of ‘Today’. If all I have to do, is relay the thoughts, experiences, joy, and misery of a single day… maybe, JUST maybe, I can do that.
I love reinventing yourself just because its a Tuesday, and you can. The thing with starting something new though, is you gotta give context at the start… which can be long sometimes… and since I love to write and talk… this could get long. Sorry.
I am a HOT mess. I’m fairly certain I have a mild form of insomnia. I definitely have some variation of attention deficit disorder. I love organization. I hate structure. I have a colorful past, that few are aware of. I like it this way…. for now. I’m learning I am actually in the majority with the last statement, that we live in a world of colorful packages, that rarely get opened up to see what’s inside. We’ll see to what degree I open up here… we’ll see how safe it feels. I occasionally slip into 2nd and 3rd person descriptions of myself, this has yet to be determined as a quirky trait or a certifiable issue. In order; I’m a person trying to figure out this God thing, a lover of my amazing husband, a lunatic trying to raise little lunatics, and in no particular order a sister, daughter, friend, co-worker, and random human.
Today, I’m drawing my line in the sand, to walk away from presenting, projecting, pretending… and as Wanda Sykes put it so eloquently “I’ma be me”! Everything I’m gonna say has likely already been said before, by someone smarter, more funny, eloquant, and with better grammer and spelling. I’ve decided to be o.k. with this, and stop freaking out that I have to figure out how to reinvent the wheel in an effort to be cooler than them.
Today, I didn’t go to bed until 2am, knowing that my kids would wake up before 6am, because I was just having to stinkin much fun gabbing with girlfriends… yes on a Monday night. Which probably explains my delierious decision to reinvent myself on a Tuesday, and commit to writing a daily blog… in two months when I come back here, and re-read this one, I can apologize for making sleepy promises. However I did sneak a nap… how… cause God loves me and gave me the most awesomly flexible job in the world, and a lovely woman named Rosah to help watch my boys from 8-2 M-Th. Thank you God and Rosah for my nap this morning while I was ‘working’.
I went back to the dentist for the first time in 2.5+years today as well. I have a little secret to tell you… while I never have actually grown up, the one area I will continue to pretend in, is that I’m a grown up with my kids. They are the only reason I’m a responsible, functioning adult. Now that Cub is old enough to start going to the dentist, is the ONLY reason the appointment was made, and since I had to ‘model’ good behavior for him, my teeth got cleaned as well. Other responsible things in my life that are directly attributed to having kids: why we started going back to church regularly once Cub was born, eating vegetables with every meal, forgoing booty music while little ears are in the car, and likely a few more. Area’s the child in me still reign supreme: my desire to stay in jammies all day, aversion to showering, and cleaning up behind myself. We call these my work in progress area’s… we’re hoping as the today’s roll on and I have something to be accountable to… in two months if I’m still claiming jammie days every day, I will eventually feel enough conviction in my own posts to get dressed in the morning (FYI: Yoga pants are considered getting dressed).
I’ve got to brag on Cub for a sec. Little man makes me look like a rockstar. He was a pro in the dentist chair, polite, inquisitive, a charmer. He has a tendancy to amp up the charm for peeps. Honest, cross my heart, I rarely put him up to this (never would be a bold face lie, but rarely is truth), it cracks me up cause it makes people think I have some sort of universal secret figured out, and in reality I’m just as baffled as they are. My theory is God knew I was NO WHERE NEAR ready to be a parent, so he gave me a wise little soul as my first… someone that wouldn’t really test the parenting limits, as a means of building my confidence that I could also keep others alive. He’s putting that theory to the test now with little brother. We’ve entered this fantastic stage of boundary testing. He’ll ask for something, I’ll get it for him, then he’ll lose his ever-lovin mind saying he doesn’t want it. I take it away, and he counters now convinced he’ll DIE without said item. This does not go on for long, because I walk away, and am trailed by a screeching, convulsing, mess of a child as he pleads for me to partake longer in the game to see who will go crazy first. Child, understand this… I will win… it is my job as mom to win. Learn this soon so we can all live happily ever after, o.k.?
So yeah… that’s my today… it makes me kinda excited/nervous for what tomorrow could bring, cause if I’m pledging to tell you about it, I’m really hoping day 2 doesn’t require me to expose more of the nitty gritty too soon… Let’s continue getting to know eachother first… mmmm kay? Now for a chill night, cause yeah, the children did bring out the responsible adult in that area… one night till 2am at a time… followed closely by a 9pm bed-time so I don’t implode. 🙂