Control…. Bwahahaha

I don’t even know where to start this post.  If I had known those 20 minutes on Friday morning would be my last moments of peace for the next 72hours, I probably would have tried to sleep, rather than contemplate a change in care provision.

I had asked for ‘clarity beyond a shadow of a doubt’.   Within the hour of publishing that post, I got a text from a friend.  She had a contact at church who was available a few days a week to watch kiddos.  I couldn’t believe how good God was to deliver so quickly on my ask.  I texted her and we set up a meet and great for Monday morning.

Then the weekend…..Saturday morning around 2am, Caleb puked.  I THOUGHT I had somehow successfully skipped the rest of the family catching what Logan had roughly 4-5 days earlier… No such luck.   AJ puked on my leg around 9am.  Selah didn’t want to be left out of the fun so she nailed me right down the front of my chest early Sunday morning.  Everyone’s appetites started to return throughout the day on Sunday (except mine and Kevin’s…. you can only clean up so much, before you never want to see food again).  I figured we were through the worst of it.  After being cooped up the entire day before, they were all a little too wired for sound as well, trying my already frayed patience.737551

We went to bed early Sunday, hoping to start our week better than the weekend had gone, and looking forward to meeting what would hopefully be a new fit for the family.  Then I heard ‘Mom’ shrieked around 11:3opm…. Apparently ’round 2′ had kicked off.   I rescheduled the meet and greet so she didn’t catch the plague and hunkered down for a Monday with sick kids.  Thankfully Kev worked from home to assist during my calls.

The day turned into a comedy of errors.  Logan was out of commission for the morning.  After a weekend cooped up, getting Caleb to focus on school work was a struggle.  AJ is in the 2 year old bi-polar stage, and Selah just wanted to be held.  If that wasn’t enough, we had a call in for a plumber who could have arrived between 10a-5p…. and he saw it fitting to arrive right at 1:30p.  Naptime.  He brought with him a slew of power tools that he made several trips to and from his truck to receive, leaving my front door open every time.  It was 18 degrees.


All that to say, about mid-way through the day I wanted to send ALL of my children to a site based care center for the next several months… preferably one that would keep them over night!

I’m fairly certain God laughs when I even start to THINK about the idea of control.   He’s like, oh, she’s so cute down there thinking control might be within her grasp, watch what’s about to happen.  I’m not saying He sent sickness to teach me a lesson by any stretch.  He is good, and good doesn’t send sickness or disease.  The weekend basically served to reinforce what I already knew, but may have forgotten in the moment.  One day at a time.  That’s what I get.  Minute by minute, to make up hour by hour, until one full day is complete.  100% dependence on Him is the way He created it.  When the odds are stacked SO high against my success, and yet we still are able to end each day working this life out together as a family, it reminds me who is in control.  When I FREAK out and lose my temper (which happened this weekend…. a few times), and I feel like a massive failure.  He reminds me, they will be fine because of HIM, not me.  All He asks is that I do my best, remain dependent on Him, and trust in faith that He will overcompensate for my shortcomings.  I can do that.   I have to do that…. because my shortcomings ARE PLENTIFUL.  If there is a snowballs chance in hell of my kids emerging from this childhood as the people I believe they will be, it will 100% without a doubt be attributed to Him getting us all through this!

So……I rescheduled the meet and greet for Friday.  Desiree will still be helping us on Tuesday and Thursday mornings during the bulk of my conference calls, and Wednesdays I’ll start bringing the littles to the Homeschool co-op with me and the bigs, rather than leaving them home like I had before.  If one day this stops working for us, we’ll find what does work and keep plugging along a day at a time.  In the meantime…. feel free to keep praying for us ALL. THE. TIME….. It might be the only thing that keeps me from hiding under the table with a bottle of wine!


Whatcha think???? I'd love to know!